I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize