She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
