I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
