It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
