using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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