Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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