you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
