I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Do vagina's smell?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I need moral support for this bender
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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