Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
