Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
