apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
