he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
