Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize