1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
