Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
