I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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