The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
