She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
