I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
