WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
