Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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