I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
