you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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