We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
