I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
