I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
