a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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