I faked an abortion last night.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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