Porn is love you can see.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
