It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
