i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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