Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
