they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
