Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
