the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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