tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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