that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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