hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
