do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
