Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
