Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
