That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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