Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
