I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
