it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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