woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
