The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
