I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
