Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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