I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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