Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
