We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
