eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
