He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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