I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
