He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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