so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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