my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
