this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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