Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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