twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
