im about as happy as oj after his trial
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
