And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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