My room smells like vodka and shame
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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