I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How's work?
Spinning.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
