The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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