He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
