OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
