I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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