who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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