At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
