Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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