If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
