The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
