Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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